Are you too hard on yourself?
You are your own worst critic.
Words that are often heard when facing challenging moments, but how true are they?
There might be a little voice in your head repeating negative thoughts over and over, saying, "I'm not smart enough, "I will never get better," "I ruin everything I touch." After hearing it echo so many times, it can feel easier to just believe it. This is known as self-criticism.
Self-Criticism
There is a difference between self-reflection and self-criticism, where self-reflection offers opportunities for growth and change. Self-criticism pushes the idea that our faults are who we are, that change is impossible.
These negative beliefs can come from a culmination of expectations, whether it's society's view of what it means to be successful, the ideals that social media pushes on how to "live your best life," or even pressure from family to uphold traditions or expectations.
Hiding in Plain Sight
It can be easy to miss instances of being overly critical, especially in a time where making negative comments and jokes about yourself is so normalized.
Self-criticism can show up in talking to yourself unkindly, even in a passing moment; it can be trying to be "perfect", focusing on mistakes rather than celebrating your success, and it can be especially evident in comparing yourself to those around you.
Self-Criticism and Mental Health
If the cycle of self-criticism goes unchecked, it can lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and isolation. There can be a rise in feeling like you don't belong or deserve the wonderful things you've gained in life. There are even physical drawbacks that are a result of these feelings, such as headaches, insomnia, muscle tension, high blood pressure, digestive issues, and a weakened immune system.
Break the Cycle
To break out of this cycle of self-criticism, you have to use self-compassion. Meaning you must treat yourself the way you treat someone you love: with kindness, understanding, and care. It might sound like a quick answer, but learning to treat yourself in a different way can be hard and must be approached with patience.
Self-compassion can be learned in different ways, such as:
Meditation and Grounding Techniques: to calm an otherwise chaotic and loud mind
Positive Affirmations: short and simple phrases to rebuild confidence and replace those negative beliefs
Staying Connected: misery loves company, by sharing what you’re feeling with someone you trust, you can feel less alone and remember you have people to lean on
Journaling: writing down what’s in your head can give you a bigger picture of what’s going on, and offers chances to go back and reflect on what you were experiencing
Talk to a Therapist: having the chance to get professional feedback can make it all seem easier to handle, getting better tools, coping skills, and someone to just listen can go such a long way
No one ever completely gets rid of that voice in their head, but having self-compassion and remembering that building self-compassion on a daily basis is a great first step.
